1. We drove past a windmill on a windy day. She commented how it was too windy out and they should turn the windmill down. She was dead serious…
2. Had a girlfriend that tend to throw fits for everything. One day she spotted me on a restaurant’s terrace on my campus having lunch with a lady. She came storming in like a fireball, started to scream at me, started to insult that poor lady she said was old enough to be my mother (come on, you understand already how could she not) and all. When she finished I just said “So mom, this is X, my ex girlfriend” My mom still brags about the fact that my ex believed she could pull a guy my age. At least she took it the right way lol
3. She would always ignore the idiot lights in her cars, until they broke down. We bought a car that actually tells you when to bring it in for service. She came up to me, really frustrated, complaining about the car being noisy. She said “There’s this big flashing message that says “BRING AUTO IN FOR SERVICE” and I can’t get it to turn off. What should I do?” This person has a PhD too.
4. I went on a couple dates with a woman who owned two large energetic dogs. When she bought them she was informed that she’d need to walk them every day to get them exercise and burn off energy. To save time, instead of walking them she’d take them for a drive and thought that accomplished the same thing.
5. Was just lounging about one Sunday and skiing came on the TV. at one point the commentator said that contestants reached 100 km/h at that point in the race. The ex literally shouted b******t at the telly. I looked at her and asked why..she replied that there was no way that they could tell how far they’d go in an hour since the race was only two minutes long. Another time, “I have an aunt who lives in London, is that near England”
6. He told me he had a lot of “inventions” and how rich he will be when one sells. I asked him to tell me more. He says his best “invention” is eye drops that (with just one application mind you) eliminate the need for eyeglasses. The guy is a mailman. Not a doctor. Not a scientist. And he wears glasses. So I said “if these eye drops work why do you wear glasses?” The eye drops don’t exist yet. But when someone else actually formulates these fantasy eye drops my mailman friend thinks he will get the money because he “invented” them by dreaming them up. EDIT: I dated him very briefly years ago. He didn’t have any patents. Just misguided dreams. Nice guy. Just….well a special kind of small former coal mining town kind of idiot.
7. How alcohol content percentage works. We argued for months that 10% as alcohol content remains the same even if you halved the bottle. She said nope, if you halved the bottle then the alcohol content would be 5%. Engineer graduate that too. She works for a software firm. For 12 years. Sigh.
8. It was when vampire-related shows and movies were in the height of their popularity. He became obsessed with vampires. When we would go outside, he started to act like the sun was hurting him, and he would shield his face with his hands while groaning in pain. Think of Jim from The Office with his vampire prank… only he was more dramatic… and serious
9. She didn’t know how to get to my house from anywhere but her house. Her work was about halfway between my house and hers, but she had to drive home first every time before she could drive to my house. *this was pre-smart phones
10. I introduced him to my stepsister. He said, “weird, you guys look nothing alike.”
11. My ex didn’t think it rained over the ocean because there was enough water there already. She was shocked it rained when we were on a cruise.
12. He put a load of laundry in with mixed color and whites… poured in bleach to whiten the whites… was shocked that the bleach bleached everything in the load…. I had to explain that the bleach will bleach everything you put in it as the bleach cannot discern what you want bleached or not… he was shocked, truly stunned and flabbergasted
13. I mentioned that I might be interested in learning to speak Italian. He kind of scoffed and said, “Why would you need to learn Italian? That’s EASY!” Very confused, I said, “What?? Why do you think it’s so easy??” He said, “Italian is just American with an accent!” (Yes, he called it “American”, not English.) Took me a few beats and then I realized – he thought an Italian ACCENT was the actual language! Like, he thought “I’m-a gonna eat-a the spaghetti and-a meat-a-balls” was actual Italian. I could barely get the words out to explain to him how wrong he was because I was literally on the floor helpless, clutching my stomach laughing – I could not stop for at least a full 10 minutes. He was so mad at me for laughing at him but Jesus Christ, how could I not?? Later that day I snuck his phone and changed his ringtone to that Family Guy bit where Peter is talking jibberish to the Italian guy, thinking he’s speaking Italian – “Babada boopie? Beebada boobada babada!” He did not appreciate that, either lol
14. My ex thought he could play hockey and found what he thought were the holy grail of skates. He bought them for $200 (I don’t know the price as it was a long time ago). His friend, who lived in a city an hour and 20 minutes away, told him he got the same skates for $195. So my ex, in his old Camaro that cost $50 in gas round trip, returned the skates he got for $200 and drove 1 hour and 20 minutes to get the skates that were $5 cheaper. That should have been the biggest red flag. But sadly, it turned out I was the f*****g idiot who stayed with him for a few more years..
15. He was trying to make cookies and kept opening the oven for extended periods of time, letting out all the heat. When I told him he was letting all the heat out by opening the door wide open and staring at the cookies, he told me I didn’t know how ovens work because the temp setter said 400 so it was 400. Took an hour to bake 1 sheet of cookies and said “I don’t know why it’s taking so long.” Also insisted on doing this on Thanksgiving, tying up my oven and was pissed off when he found out the turkey would take 3hrs to cook. As I’m sure you can imagine… Did not work out.
16. We went to a science museum and saw a display of a carboniferous swamp and I casually remarked that the land would have been different back then due to plate tectonics. She had never heard that the continents moved so I explained how it worked with plates moving, earthquakes, and volcanoes. She still didn’t believe me. So I found the plate tectonics museum display that explained it all. And then she said she was amazed that I had enough pull with the museum to have them set up a display to support my lies.
17. Kept telling me not to fall for online scams. She fell for a scam that was so clearly a scam even a brain-dead monkey could see it was a scam. She lost 15k and tried to sue everyone who told her it was a scam. She also thought that when the chefs light the food on fire they add gasoline. She tried to do just that.